Dear diary,
Sometimes, thinking of it. I'm envious of people who can just leave what they have for something they don't have. And they cant just leave people hanging there without sparing any thought for the person. If everyone was like this, i think its a terrible fate for the world.
Worst to worst, they just clear you out from their memories. As if you were an virus attacking them system, and they completely reformatted you. Well better ones, just reinstall you ( the program ) and make sure it works correctly. Friends are the one who simply just upgrade you ( th e program ) , haters just put you ( the program ) into the sandbox and when they simply find you of worth they put you out of the sandbox. Of course, once they are done with you ( the program ) , they simply put you into the recycle bin.
Ha, i think i have too much of computing terms, programs running through my mind lately.
Typical typical typical.
I went to Zouk last Saturday. It was a completely impromptu clubbing session. Was suppose to meet this guy that i really like , as i was reaching the destination. He told me he was re-call back to the camp. Obviously, i didn't whine bout it. I mean its not his fault. So i wasn't really much annoyed. So when Alicia told me her for Zouk, i just went her. Since i have no plans for the night.
Throughout the session, i was staring at my phone for his messages. Since he told me would be booking out by 11. I was actually waiting for his book out. It didn't occur to me that I'll be wasting my money for my entrance fee and then get out of the club at 11 just to look for him. ( I know, my friends call me crazy cause i had never really do that for anyone else before ) Then at 11 he told me he would be only booking out at 4 am. Okay, at the point of time i told myself " Forget him, it doesn't kill me not to see him ". So yea i went to party with my friends, still staring at my phone for his messages.
So at 4am, i was extremely elated. Throughout the night , i make sure i was really sober. Though i had quite a few drinks because i was in a terrible mood. But i remain sober just to see him. So at 4 am, he told me he'll be booking out at 6am? That was when i told myself, forget it. So i told him forget it, i'll be going home. So i left for home, with his constant sorry and all......
Now question time :
Did i know what i was doing ?
- Yes , actually i'm still fucking sober at the point of time. I think love fried my mind.
Did anything happen in the end with him ?
- No , because i tried. And i guess its suppose just to stay like this .
Does he knows that i like him ?
- No, but i think even stupid guys can even get the hint.
Does he read your blog ?
- No , he doesn't know almost anything bout me. And he doesn't give a fuck. And by the time he read this, its all over.
So , why you post ?
- Cause after i type out i feel much better , and honestly now i just wanna kill him and kill myself for being dumb.
I think i learn a valuable lesson. I'm not going to let things go any further. I'm putting an end to all of this nonsense.
I'll be celebrating my birthday this Saturday. I think i should draw out a birthday wish list. Heh heh heh.
OKAY FUCK, I JUST SAW MY .........
Ciao, xoxo
{ p /s : shall talk bout my birthday wish list tonight, *giggles* }
