There were times where I wished the world was smaller and I could hide, but then it didn't happen.
There were times where I wished I won't let the devil advocate influenced me, but I allowed.
There were times where I wished I wasn't this strong-headed and insisted for answers that hurt.
There were times where I want to just lie down motionlessly, but I can't
There were times where I wish I could be happier and not give too much thought on stuffs, but I couldn't.
There were times where I wish that people could save me by just being a constant element, but they didn't.
There's so many times where I go "what-if", what-if things changes for the better? How do i know if it is going to improve, when I never knew what's best?
What-if, it was all just a bloody lie and I was sucker to get out of the ruin that I sank for that lie?
{Update on The Ex (Axe, LAWL)}
Before I left for my Hongkong trip, I decided that it would be very appropriate time to end all the "negativity" cum "extremely emotional" thoughts behind. So I drafted a bloody message, which i took really long , appx 2 hours, and decided to unarchive our conversation and clicked the send button.
It sounded like an easy peasy stuffs, but honestly? It wasn't. When I clicked the send button, I think so did my breathing for a few seconds. I mean, what worse could have happened right? He could probably blocked me and would never get to know about the text, or perhaps he changed his number? There were so many possibility, but I wasn't bothered; instead i was terrified. I was terrified of being hurt that I refuse to walk out of my comfort zone.
I knew that walking out of my comfort zone would meant me well. I needed that CLOSURE, but I didn't had the guts to seek it. So went i decided to seek it, I was really happy.
So, did he replied?
YES. He did reply and replied that he was drunk and his sorry for all the pain he has inflicted on me. Apparently, he was very "remorseful" that he turned into an alcoholic. Did he ever consider that I DESERVE an apology? Wait he did apologise. And nevertheless, added he missed me.
If I were the women back when I was swoon by his gorgeous face, I would sink for that sucker line. But i did not, when he replied. I realise, I don't miss him. In fact, I never understood why i fell in love with him. However, to REALLY conclude everything that inflicted on both of us.
I decided to meet him after my trip back from Hongkong for a drink, he still treat me the same gentlemanly as he used to. Just that we have absolutely, nothing , NOTHING at all to talk about. Then, he decided it would be really 'polite' to call his friends and invite them over. Very sweet move, which he proceed to explain oh "we are going over another friend house", which he did not mentioned. What an abrupt move, he however did mentioned his heading home soon.
Thank god for my morning appointment the next day, I left abruptly after i finished my drink and PAID my drinks in full. I hate owing, especially to the guy who left me * of his friends, and still makes the same mistake.
Did i turned back and looked at him?
MEH~, done and got over that.
If i knew that the meeting would have done me so much help to get rid of him from my thoughts? I would have done it almost immediate after the break-off.
What I have been up to:
I'm finally at the last phase of my university life *pops champagne* and I decided to shift the focus from the "love for bad men" to "love for my books".
& for the great concern readers or people who reads my blog. I'm doing good!
Thank you all :')
