Dear diary,
We're always searching for someone who can accept us who we're. But do they really exist? Someone who will accept your flaws, someone who doesn't need you to look fancy all the time , doesn't care whether you're heading out with them in naked face or having a bad hair day.
Someone who accepts your temper, accepts your sensitivity ?
Honestly, i don't really think they existed. Even your parents wish you'd be born smart, maybe some wish you'd born prettier. Even your parents wished to change you instead of accepting who you're. So, How could you actually expect others not expecting changes from you?
It's ridiculous when someone says " I'll accept you for who you're, not who i want you to be " . And the next day asking you to go on a crash diet, or says nasty remarks like " Hey , your hair looks awful " or " You look horrible without makeup " . And when you tell them you'd be hurt by that awful remark. They'd apologized saying ' it's was purely just a joke '.
Sometimes, when i heard rude remarks against others or against me. I'd reply " How bout i curse your parents die, and apologize saying its just a bloody joke ? " . So it comes to the point that, people don't actually think bout what they say. They just say it because they want to. How selfish people could act sometimes.
Then it occurs to me , since you're passing on rude remarks bout me. Are you much better in any way? If you're , then why you're here having this conversation with me , when you could using your time on better thing ? & Most of the times, when i hear people tell me their bf/gf pass remarks like, you're ugly, you're fat, you need a change. I'd wonder, since you're so fucking embarrassed to be seen with "the people who you want to change" then why fucking be with them?
& Think bout it, they could have others, but they choose you instead of others. Stop appreciate what you fucking have and stop procrastinating.
Why am i touching on this topic? Perhaps i'm tired to keep up this appearance. When he told me he'd accept me fully who i'm. It was purely just a lie, a lie to cover everything. Perhaps i feel hurt, maybe miserable. But i guess i need time to get over and get done with it. Things that were said could not be erased .... It just left a big impact , and i guess sometimes we ought to wake up and face reality.
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in a strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
My mom and my favorite song.
xoxo,buzzing off
