Dear diary,
It's finally 2012, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY DIARY. *inserts love*
How do i feel on 2012 , right now? I miss my boyfriend terribly. How did i spend my 2012 ? I countdown with my guy playing monopoly deal at my area. Most of my friends are just speechless when I told them I didn't went town for fireworks. Most of them couldn't find a reason why I didn't go since i love fireworks. & Worst, Most of them were surprised if I'm not at firework I'd be a club , getting high. But no, I spent my new year w my guy at my area. But I'm quite contented, peaceful new year. What a great way to start a year, with a kiss from someone you love. *grins*
So yeah, I spend my morning w the man i love, which surprised my mom because i was back home early, not drunk, sober. She gave a ' I don't think this is my daughter ' look. Most of girls are seeing the changes in me, some declare its stupid ; I'd be wasting my youth. Some think its really courageous of me to sacrifice for someone i love. But i think they should stop emphasizing on how much I've changed, and encourage me instead. Right now criticism is not what i want, its encouragement.
I spend my afternoon, with the girl I grew up with and who i'd used my life to protect her. Brought her favorite dessert and walked to her house to give her a surprise. Gosh thinking bout it now, I missed her already. She was the only one who nevertheless watch me through the wild period, but never doubt bout me. So when i told her bout how I wanna change, she was like. Impressed and encouraging. * :') *
After dessert and some games, we sat at our favorite spot of her house, The swing. When we were kids, we would sit on the swing and talk bout our future plans, how we wanna get into the same college, and how we want our future house to be like. Damn, and now it's another decade and we're still sitting at the same spot talking bout our 21 birthday bash. Reminisce of the good times.
We've been through so much that we'll never lose faith in one another. And it's hard to penetrate our friendship because the bond is extremely strong. I'm really thankful for her , to walk through my hardest period with me. When everyone said i couldn't, she said I could. Which explain why I'd risk my life for her. I love her like my own sister, well to be exact her birthday is 2 days away from mine.... I want thank you shan, for never losing your faith in me. I love you much, x
Then in the night, I came home to spend it with my family. I believe that every start of year, we ought to spend time with people we truly love and care about. & I'm really glad I spend my new year fruitfully.
I've so much to say, so much to feel, so little words to express it out . I think love make people go crazy. When you're mad in love w somebody, you get so sensitive with whatever they said ; even if they don't meant it , you get paranoid, you get possessive, last but not least you get jealousy. No wonder i always declared I hate relationship, It makes me look like a complete possessive fool.
I get so whiny, I get nasty, I snapped back at people words .... I get so awful. * sigh * I wish i were a better girlfriend who request less, who stop being so whiny like a bitch. But I can't helped it, I need a distraction. . . . I need to build some trust, i need to start building walls around me so no one can see how awful I really am. Yes, that's what I'm going to do.
No, my boyfriend is not mistreating me,so don't gloat. I just don't wanna be so demanding ..... It kinda spoil the whole relationship. * pull-hairs *
Adios, x
