Dear diary,
I'm still rage with jealously, though it have dim down compared to yesterday. The feelings is still raging. It sucks to care so much , so bothered about it when its such a trivial stuffs. Why am i focusing on the trivial stuffs and not looking at the big picture?
Insecurity beats the shit out of people sometimes , i supposed.
But I need to conclude these year with some happy ending. & Yes, today its one of the best day of my life, best day of this year ( i can say that since I'm left with only 3 more days to 2012 ). I finally passed ...... I won't state what i passed, but curious people can continue guessing. heh heh heh *evil*
It kinda of prove to me that if i never give up, I'd eventually make it right. Even after so many times of failure and so many people discouraging me, i made it! Quite impressed with myself, after all i did work very hard for it.
Still I want thank people who specially message me their wishes and even called me after the test and congrats me! Damn , i won't forget you guys i swear. Because you were the few people i shared my happiness with !
& I gotta say, ever since i knew him things start getting luckier. I think what he said was partially true, his my lucky charm. Feel like bottling him up and keep it by me, so I'm forever lucky. I'm so selfish i know, sometimes i don't wanna share him with anyone. I realize if i continue like this, I'm gonna be really mad like insanely mad with possessiveness. This is so unhealthy
Am really very contented with my life now, I've everything i need. I think 'Love' is something counted as want. Because eventually you realize with/without it , life moves the fuck on. Yes sometimes you'll have those undeniable feelings telling you to settle down. But don't settle down because you're lonely, settle down when you're ready.
I'm so scared to screw this up, i know his scared to scared to screw this up. I can see his effort in trying , his effort in making things work, and giving in to my crazy rage of jealousy , and i really appreciate he used all his free time to get on hand any information he can get to know me better. Even my 6 years friendship with others, they don't even bother as much as him.
I really appreciate what his doing now, really. Though i don't really express it often, I express it quite openly. Guess I'm the kinda of person not afraid to show what I'm doing, because i don't need anyone approval of who to love. As long i feel the chemistry is there, I'll try and make things happen. I guess this is who I am made to be. - Can't give a fuck -
I sometimes don't know how he can stands me, with me spamming him loads of MEME. I like to annoyed the shit out of him, heh heh . Okay I know he likes to me annoy him , secretly.
(p/s : Appreciate everything you notice bby )
Okay gotta get back to reality, I'm so hopelessly in my fantasy of love. XO
